Several years ago, my husband and I attended a marriage conference at a resort hotel, along with a few hundred other married couples. During the opening seminar, the moderator asked for people to stand up, with the qualification that they had parents who were alive and married over 25 years. In a room with hundreds of people, lots of us stood. The moderator continued increasing the number of years of our parents’ marriages (asking those who didn't qualify to sit down), until he got to 50 years of marriage. By that time, only a select few of us were left standing. I was amazed! I had never fully realized before how unique and fortunate I was to have parents alive and married so long.
I’ve recollected that moment many times since then and tried to comprehend what an incredible blessing I have been given. Today, I have loving parents still alive and married nearly 65 years!
I’m sharing this because our family celebrated my mom’s 85th birthday last night. At the end of the evening, all I could think about was how gloriously fortunate I am. My mom has always been there for me. Sure, we’ve had our mother-daughter difficulties over the years, but I can’t imagine not having her in my life. She has devoted her life to giving my brother and I whatever we needed whenever we needed it. There are times when my heart is filled to overflowing with feelings of thankfulness for what God has given me in my family.
Really, though, what good is it if I simply “feel” thankful? Especially now that I’ve gone through cancer, it occurs to me that if I don’t “live” thankful, what difference does it make? I can have all the feelings in the world, but if they aren’t demonstrated in how I live and how I treat others, why does it matter to anyone but me? How can I honor the legacy my mom and dad have given me with something other than feelings?
This is where I’m super-attracted to Orthodoxy. The Orthodox Church maintains that Christianity is not merely an intellectual assent to a system of beliefs. And it’s not a touchy-feely, happy-clappy, warmly emotional trip you go on when you hear a good worship song. No, it’s more about inner healing and real transformation. We’re all sick (sin-sick, you might say), and we need to be cured. With the tools and “medicine” the Church provides, we are slowly “cured” by the grace of God.
Cured of what? you might ask. Well, our passions, for one. You know—the things that deceive us into thinking that they make us feel good (in fairness, they often do—at first), but that eventually master us and make us miserable--for some, to the point of despair and suicide. Passions like self-centeredness, anger, envy, greed, and lust. If you think you never experience those passions, think again. You probably just don’t recognize them operating in your life, especially since they can be so subtle at first.
Part of the medicine the Church provides is help in recognizing and confronting our sinful nature, confessing our sin, staying vigilant about our thoughts, words, and actions. The idea is that if we practice discipline in various areas of our lives (for example, disciplines such as the Lenten fast), we will learn to take control of our passions in small ways so that when the really BIG temptations come our way, we’ll have some practice at saying “no.”
This discipline thing is not easy. I’m the first to admit that I can be a “glass half empty” person. If I have a bad day, I murmur and complain and tell my family to stay out of my way (there goes my human nature again). BUT—and this is where the rubber meets the road—if I muster up a little self-control, a little discipline, I can re-direct my thoughts and maybe—just MAYBE—think about what I have to be grateful for. My thoughts put me on the path to changing my feelings and here’s the end result: inner healing, joy, closeness to God.
It seems a little self-serving. Who wouldn’t want to have joy? But there’s another benefit as well. The more joyful we become, the more we are capable of loving and helping others. So that’s where those feelings of gratitude can make a difference—reaching out to others in practical ways. A listening ear. Praying for and ministering to the sick. Cheering on a friend who got a promotion. We're not apt to do those things if we're spending time depressed and fretting about our own problems. People who recognize the blessings in their own lives are free to reach out to bless others.
So, here’s my goal: not only to feel grateful, but to act grateful and, in so doing, to pass on Mom and Dad’s legacy. It’s never too late to start. In fact, after you watch the video below, I hope you'll feel encouraged (as I did) to find something to be grateful for--365 days a year.
Today I Can . . .
by Anonymous
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
Have a GREAT DAY! (Unless you have other plans.)