As promised, I want to share a bit about My Big, Fat, Orthodox Wedding that took place on July 10th this year.
Our family converted to the Orthodox Church in 2007 and one of the things I’d wanted to do, but kept putting off, was to have our marriage blessed by the Church. Well, it’s really more than a “blessing” --marriage is a Sacrament of the Church. We decided that, in honor of our 30th anniversary, what better way to celebrate than to tie the knot in the most meaningful way possible—by being married in the Orthodox Christian Church.
When I first mentioned our desire to be married in the Church to our priest, I learned that we needed to have a sponsor, so we asked our good friends who were our sponsors when we came into the Church (godparents, you might say). Our friends have been Orthodox several years longer than us and celebrated their 25th anniversary the day after our 30th—and they had never been married in the Church, either. So we planned a double wedding and sponsored one other!
It was pretty humorous to see our priest, Father David, trying to remember everyone’s names as he conducted the service—it was his first double wedding. At one point, he almost married me to the wrong guy!
You might be interested to know about some of the differences between Protestant and Orthodox weddings. I certainly did not know about the differences until long after I was Orthodox and began to think about having my marriage blessed in the Church. Below, I’ve put together some interesting facts about the differences:
SACRAMENT
The Orthodox sacrament of marriage is unique in many ways, but primarily in that the ceremony has remained almost entirely unchanged since its origination centuries ago. Another important aspect of the Orthodox marriage is that the bride and groom do not exchange vows; marriage, as a Sacrament, is both a mystery and a martyrdom, not a legal contract.
The practice of “giving the bride away” comes from Medieval European times when women were considered property that was purchased for a price (dowry). In contemporary Catholic and Protestant worship, “giving the bride away” has come to mean that the father bestows the protection of his daughter on her husband. This tends to degrade the Biblical teaching about equality of men and women.
In Orthodox tradition, the bride is not considered the property of the father or the husband. No dowry is involved. A father escorting his daughter into the church is a nice tradition, but it is not part of the Orthodox ceremony.
Catholic and Protestant wedding services are very similar to one another because they have the same roots and are based on legal agreements and covenants. Thus, their wedding services contain “Here Comes the Bride” (or some other selected song), as well as a mutual recitation of vows, the placing of rings, and the legal pronouncement by the clergy that the bride and groom are now man and wife. None of this exists in the Orthodox Wedding service.
The Orthodox Church teaches that Christian marriage is holy, blessed, and eternal in the sight of God. Through the mystery of marriage, a husband and wife are united as one by the grace of the Holy Spirit--strengthened and sanctified to help each other in the struggle toward salvation.
Their marriage becomes a reflection of the very relationship of Jesus Christ and His Church: that is, boundless love, tenderness, total intimacy, mutual understanding and sacrifice. With God's blessing, their union grows stronger and "overflows" with love, to include children (and someday grandchildren), who are best nurtured in this Christ-centered, loving relationship.
CEREMONY
The Orthodox wedding ceremony has two parts: Betrothal and Crowning. The Betrothal is an agreement or promise to marry, which is symbolized by the exchange of rings. In ancient times it was a separate service. Today it directly precedes the Crowning in the Marriage ceremony. In our case, since we are already married, the Betrothal service was not necessary. So we started with the Crowning ceremony, which is very beautiful in itself.
After the betrothal, the priest leads the couple in procession while chanting Psalm 128: "Blessed are they who walk in the way of the Lord." This begins the actual Sacrament of Marriage (Crowning). The Crowning is the focal point of the Orthodox marriage ceremony. The crowns are signs of the glory and honor with which God crowns the couple.
The wedding crowns are joined by a ribbon which again symbolizes the unity of the couple and the presence of Christ who blesses and joins the couple and establishes them as the King and Queen of their home, which they will rule with wisdom, justice and integrity (at least, that’s the hope and I’m sure their children will appreciate their effort).
The priest takes the two crowns and blesses the bride and the groom, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit and then places the crowns on them. The crowns are also interpreted as crowns of martyrdom since every true marriage involves immeasurable self sacrifice on both sides. :-)
The rite of crowning is followed by the reading of the Epistle and the Gospel. The Gospel reading describes the marriage at Cana of Galilee which was attended and blessed by Christ and for which He reserved His first miracle.
The Common Cup -- At the wedding in Cana, Christ converted the water into wine and gave it to the newlyweds. In remembrance of this blessing, wine is given to the couple. This is the "common cup" of life denoting the mutual sharing of joy and sorrow, the token of a life of harmony. The drinking of wine from the common cup serves to impress upon us that from this moment on, we will share everything in life: joys, as well as sorrows, and that we are to "bear one another’s burdens." Our joys will be doubled and our sorrows halved because they will be shared.
The Ceremonial Walk - The priest leads the couple three times in a circle around the table on which are placed the Gospel and the Cross. Symbolically, the couple are taking their "first" steps as a married couple, and the Church, in the person of the priest, leads them in the way they must walk.
During this ceremonial walk, a series of hymns are sung. The first speaks of the Isaiah the Prophet's joy when he saw the coming of the Messiah upon the earth. The second recollects the martyrs of the Faith, who received their crowns of glory from God through the sacrifice of their lives.
The song reminds the couple of the sacrificial love they are to have for each other in marriage - a love that seeks not its own but is willing to sacrifice its all for the one loved. And finally, the third exalts the Holy Trinity. (In the video clip that follows, you will see the ceremonial walk and hear the songs just described.)
Conclusion of the ceremony -- After removing the crowns, the priest says, "Accept their crowns in Your Kingdom unsoiled and undefiled; and preserve them without offense to the ages of ages." Finally, he reads a prayer of benediction . . . and then it's party time!
I had no idea of how our wedding ceremony would impact me. When I first began planning, I figured it would be a “fun” and meaningful thing to do. (And hey, an excuse to buy a new dress.) As the day approached, the full significance of the Sacrament began to sink in. It’s hard to find the words to express how humbled and filled with joy I was when the actual wedding took place. My daughter, who was taking photos during the wedding, remarked that she certainly felt God’s presence during the ceremony.
I started out planning a huge affair, with the idea of inviting all of our friends and family and having a big shindig afterwards. As the date grew closer, however, it became obvious that it wasn't going to work that way. Sadly, many of our guests probably wouldn't have been able to make it, either because of prior commitments or their reluctance to enter a church with which they aren't familiar. After consulting with our friends who were being married along with us, we decided to keep it small with just a few close friends and family. It was still as significant, maybe more so since it wasn't a big production.
Afterwards, our group (my husband and I, our daughter and her boyfriend, our friends, their kids, and our friends' parents), all trooped over to the Olive Garden restaurant and celebrated with a delectable meal shared with love, friendship, and good humor. It was truly a memorable day.
That I have been honored and entrusted with the companionship of my husband for the last 30 years until death parts us is. . . awe-inspiring, undeserved, incomprehensible. I thank God that He has allowed me to live long enough to not only journey on the path of salvation in the Orthodox Church (“The Way”), but to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage with my husband in a new and grace-bestowing manner.
Now that I’ve shared more than you probably ever wanted to know about Orthodox weddings, I’ll share photos of that special day. Here’s a link to a photo album with captions.
Below is a short video with the crowning and ceremonial walk excerpts. When you view the video, you'll notice that we kiss the gospel book. When I first encountered Orthodoxy, I was turned off by such an act because I didn't understand it . . . I thought it was a hold-over from some Medieval, Roman Catholic rite.
Unfortunately, I was ignorant. Someone pointed out to me that our Lord Himself participated in the rites of the synogogue and would have kissed the Scriptures (Torah), as was Jewish custom. (Luke 4:16: He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom.)
I learned that the early believers in Christ continued in the traditions of their Jewish forefathers, worshiping as they had in both the Temple and the Synagogue. To this worship practice they added the distinctly Christian components which were, in fact, transformed Jewish worship practices (e.g., Baptism, the Eucharist, the Agape meal, and others).
Bottom Line: I figured that if the Lord Himself would do such a thing as kissing the Scriptures, who am I not to follow His example? Now if only I could follow His example in so many other ways . . . which reminds me of a phrase I heard as a teenager: "Please be patient; God is not finished with me yet." To God be the glory!